I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
