lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
