I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
