i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
