I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
