And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
