The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Randomize
