if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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