Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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