sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize