I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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