Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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