Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
