im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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