Her vagina should come with caution tape.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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