I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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