i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
