I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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