No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
