Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
