They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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