why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
