I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
