She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
