I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i dont even know how to be here
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
