Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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