he told me I talked like a deaf person
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
