my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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