She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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