I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
