i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
