Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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