My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize