isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
It's just like the Real World with babies
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
