i think my tv is drunk
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm like, not good at living.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
