if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
