Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
