It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
