one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
