Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
