I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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