ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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