Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Boobs are out for the taking
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
