I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
