So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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