i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
did i just pee glitter
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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