peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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