last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
