Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize