I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
