We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
