I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
