if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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