I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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