I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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