well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
