JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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