so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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