finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
