I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
