I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
