ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
