the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
