Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
