You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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