im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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