I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
