Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
