So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
