You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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