This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
