I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I think people are normalizing furries
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
