White coat. Heels.
I puked a lego.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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