I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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