a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
