Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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