so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
