A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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