we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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