I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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