im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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