Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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