Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
