I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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