38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
