the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize