OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
