We got so high we made milksteak
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I love you. Go after that dick
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
