great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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