i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
